Planning to be thoughtful Part II

2. Guys can tend to react to things the first time around and then forget about it. We don't realise that most personhood involves consciousness that retains continuity across time. So return to important bits of information over a long period of time. Write things down in your diary in a future week - "Ask Carl how he is feeling now about breaking up with Allie".

Girls may think this is silly or worse - fake. If you really cared, they would say, you would just remember, wouldn't you? No. Guys can't remember anything except for the stats for the new iPhone or Cricket match. We need to write things down.

3. There is a difference between listening and knowing information, on the one hand, and really understanding and caring on the other. So set aside time to reflect on how other people are feeling. Think deeply about how this hardship may have affected someone: what it would be like, how it would colour their experiences, how long it would weigh on them. Think deeply about just how important this success was for someone: how hard they had worked for it, how pleased with themselves they are, how they hunger for recognition.