Guys complain that girls expect them to read their minds. But when guys get sullen and moody, they expect girls to read their minds.
Let me rephrase that, when I get moody, I expect Nikki to read my mind.
Perfectly reasonable, right? Anyway, when I read Manhood by Steve Biddulph a year or two ago, one of the things that struck me was a comment that over time, men become bad at expressing their preferences. I think that's true of me.
And the more simple and childish the preference, the harder I find to express it and the more moody I get as a result and the more I wish Nikki could read my mind so that I wouldn't have to be the one to express it.
So I like getting takeaway food as a family every now and then. But it feels kinda embarrassing to ask for it often. But, as silly as it sounds, I've resolved to try hard to express my preference for take away food.
The man sulk [reader warning: confessional post]
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10 comments:
Great post, man. This describes me exactly. Really helpful.
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The problem is that whilst we can't read minds, we are very good at reading emotions. So when our menfolk tell us they're "fine" we know it's not fine and we go batty trying to work out what's wrong. If you said you were "fine" to another guy, they'd probably just take you at your word and not give it another thought.
... and then we'd go out and get takeaway together.
Very insightful and true in my experience with a dad and a brother and guy friends, especially the part that the smaller the desire, the harder it is to make the request.
Do you think that's from a sense that you shouldn't HAVE to say something about such a small thing?
Exactly, Bron. It's kind of annoying actually, knowing that clearly something is wrong, but they just won't tell us.
During a mansulk, I just ignore it, knowing that asking "what's up?" will elicit "nothing". Also, not a mind reader. But is ignoring a mansulk not what men want women to do?
@Mikey - lol!
Funny how the guys stop commenting once you girls ask too many questions. "We're fine. Nothing. I dunno."
A couple of thoughts. I think the man sulk is especially provoked by female company. We don't sulk around other men, because we don't have the same hope of comfort and understanding from them.
I guess guys like to be mothered a bit, eh? And so I think we do want our minds read and we do like to be told what to do...
We're not that complicated often. Basically it's got something to do with food :-)
But we also need to be encouraged to express our preferences. Just don't get angry at us, because that'll make us feel even more childish.
Laura - I don't think 'shouldn't HAVE to' isn't quite it. That's maybe more a chick logic.
It's not that we shouldn't have to express it, it's more that we shouldn't have to want it. We are embarrassed for having silly little preferences. And we are frightened for being rejected or belittled because of these.
The funny thing is that you (and other men with dark eyebrows) look really angry when you're sulking, so I interpret it with something I've done wrong which complicates things more! (So Bron, I'm not very good at reading emotions, just knowing they're there)
All you need is to be treated with kindness, fed and listened to. Still figuring out how.
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